when the train started running again, it ran with a sense of escapism. now, the only goal being to run. far from reason and ingenuity. far from anything that was frightening. anything that came too close to the borders.
the train never stopped.
our little girl didn't have much strength to force it to stop. she lumped into the seat, exhausted. tired. still going on.
hi. oh my god that book. we read that for our reading list at school.
and she turned her head to the seat behind her. hey. hi? hi.
she looked towards the engine room and her feet on the floor felt the vibrations of the wheels racing across the track. faster and faster. she was worried. there wasn't supposed to be another passenger.
are you alright ?
the passenger was very pretty. like a deer, if compared. gentle and kind. careful and composed.
and when she spoke, it sounded like royalty.
it felt so unfair. it felt so unfair. it felt so unfair. it felt so unfair. so damn unfair.
she could have just not turned back. but that unwavering loyalty for someone else had rotten. there was nothing left of it. she could have cried a little more to keep it alive. but the train was moving fast. there was no time at all, no time at all.
so she bought the passenger a balloon. she stopped the train, ran across to balloontown. and brought back a pink balloon. one shaped like a heart. it seemed like something she would like.
im very sad, said the girl.
that's alright. replied the passenger.
now you know i am sad. that is not the way it is to be. said the girl.
i know. replied the passenger.
i like how you use exclamation marks. said the girl.
oh ? replied the passenger, smiling.
you're going to miss me when i'm gone.
i have a feeling i will.
so she taught the girl how to sing that with her hands.
the girl did not notice when the train started slowing down. she instead, noticed a golden heart necklace, her passenger never took off.
one day, the passenger decided to sit next to our girl. the seat beside the window seat. the middle seat. not even the aisle one. there could be no possible advantages to this, unless you had fondness in your heart.
but it was a little too sudden.
she asked for the girl's hand, and asked to read her palm.
and the train moved faster. and the girl got scared.
and train couldn't run any faster from the passengers it had let in.
the girl watched as the passenger held her hand. and it broke her heart. slowly. steadily. in pieces. whatever amount of it was left. she could hear it break. she knew it had broken beyond repair.
come on don't leave me it can't be that easy
she looked out the window, gently dissociating from her hand. protecting herself from the rest of the hurt that would explode any second. a single tear fell. like how it falls before one dies.
she didn't remember what she missed. she remembered how she let it happen the first time. the second time. the third time and the fourth. and the fifth and the sixth. and the rest.
if you believe me i guess ill get on a plane
she wanted to never speak to the passenger again. she wanted no one to touch her again. she wanted to cry.
and the passenger sat, realizing all of it.
and she looked at the passenger, in a sorry state
fly to your city, excited to see your face
and those must've been the saddest hands holding each other on a highway.
hold me console me and then ill leave without a trace.
the train stopped at the cemetery.
and the girl got off the train.
no kiss goodbye.
she didn't even look back.
and closed the door.
but the passenger didn't let the train start running until she knew there it was coming back for the girl.
*
she had the kindest brown eyes, said the girl much later.
but it had only been two days. she showed me kindness in two days.
last time i waited for a year.
i waited for a year for the kindness she showed me in two days.
two days.
and she liked sharks. and she had a mark on her face where a dog bit her. and she was very intelligent and very wise. and she watched silly romantic movies. and she named my bear juniper. and she sang very softly, and she was beautiful.
the man at the station didn't understand what the girl meant. he nodded along anyway.
"what happened then? why didn't you stay?"
it was not the time. i didn't have it in me anymore.
"is that it?"
i don't know. maybe i needed this.
maybe i needed it from someone else.
"and?"
i could have loved her.
it was simple. it was sweetness. it was good to know.
but i would never have loved her. it wouldn't be love.
and i couldn't have lied to her.
"and?"
i didn't think i was loveable. i didn't want her to be the one to prove me wrong.
i didn't want to be proved wrong.
it's easier that way. easier for me.
to hover when i needed it.
"hm."
i hope she knows i'm sorry.
"your train. it's here."
she was not on the train anymore.
*
